Do you ever wish you could just stop thinking for a little while?
C was in town this past week. It was so great to finally see him again. But I miss him already, and it's hard to say when we'll see each other again.
Before he left, he gave me one of his t-shirts to sleep in. I often have trouble sleeping, but having something of his to sleep with has been really nice.
I hate that I can't stop thinking about certain things, though. And I hate that I get so emotional. I wish my mind didn't work this way. I hate listening to my own thoughts.
But sometimes I hate listening to other people's thoughts more. Earlier today, someone asked me what it was like knowing that he probably went home and made love to his wife after being with me.
I didn't really know what to say. I try not to think about all that.
I don't know. Maybe I'm stupid. I know he probably means more to me than I do to him. But I've really enjoyed our times together. It is what it is. It won't ever be anything more. We never said it would be.
bdd
bdsm
beginnings
blogging
blushing
bondage
ceremonies
collars
college
communication
D/s
dating
dominance
dreams
drinking
ednos
emotions
envy
exhibitionism
experimentation
failure
fantasies
fetish
flaws
food play
formspring
friends
frustration
fun
games
half-nekkid
health
jealousy
journey
kink
limits
love
M/s
masturbation
men
munches
music
my kitty
nightmares
nipples
oral
orgasms
pain
panties
parties
polls
polyamory
purity
random thoughts
reflecting
relationships
relaxing
sex
shame
sharing
shopping
Sir
skin stapling
spankings
squick
sub drop
submission
swinging
tattoo
tests
the list
toys
trust
vanilla
waxing the kitty
weight
women
I've been there. Sometimes it can be wonderful and other times so very painful. I'm glad you enjoy your time together. :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm stupid.
ReplyDeleteNo - you are not, you are adorable human.
I know he probably means more to me than I do to him.
That's OK, as long as you realize that emotional symmetry is rarely achieved.
But I've really enjoyed our times together.
That's the point of being together, right?
It is what it is. It won't ever be anything more. We never said it would be.
Then enjoy it for just that, and realize, it's just a t-shirt.
Sounds like a very human reaction to me and I've given up on listening to others' thoughts about what I do. There's no way for them to know how it really is for you - the best they can do is map your story onto how it would be for them.
ReplyDeleteC
At least you are feeling something. I believe 'tis better to die of madness than ennui. Not that I'm saying you are mad. Well, maybe I am, but 'tis better to die of madness than ennui.
ReplyDeleteThat question was heartless and you shouldn't give that person a second thought. Being happy is everything and if that is what you feel for him then that is all that matters.
ReplyDeleteCarrie
Yeah, that was a terrible question to ask you. What a jerk. Made me sad to think about it too. It did make me think what a shame it is that you aren't having the same experiences and feelings with someone you could actually keep or who could keep you. You probably will only become more attached, not less. I think you deserve to be happy... lastingly. <3
ReplyDelete