Crazy Busy (or just crazy)

One of the reasons I stopped posting regularly was because I took a new job that involves a whole lot more hours than my previous job. The company is huge... and the atmosphere is very conservative. And although I enjoy the work, my personal life has become almost non-existent. Besides the long hours, my boss pushes employees to further their education as much as possible and to give back to the community through volunteerism. I shouldn't complain though, there seem to be many people who wish they could find a job, any job. So although I'm busy, I also feel pretty lucky. Hopefully better things will come from my hard work...

long time, no post

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted anything on here. So many things have changed since my last post, but many things are the same.

I've missed writing on here. But more than that, I've missed reading the other blogs I follow. I don't know if anyone will read this... if anyone even "follows" my blog anymore. But I hope to stick around and catch up on what's been going on with all of you.

Around

So, I haven't been blogging as much lately, I've actually been trying to stay away from certain sites for a little while to see if that would help me with some of what I've been struggling with. It turns out that I don't really know myself very well... I think I've mentioned in several posts that I'm not a very jealous person. But it appears that I am. Maybe it's just insecurity. Or insanity. It's hard to say. There's actually no justification or solid reasoning for feeling the way I feel. I'm completely irrational at times. And I don't have anyone to blame but myself. I'm frustrated.

Possible Solution

In my last post, I talked about the offer I received from someone I used to work with. He needs a date this Friday and he's willing to pay me to go along. I still haven't given him an answer. I figured I would think on it for one more night.

I think I might go but tell him that he doesn't have to pay me. My thinking here is that him knowing that I'm not "being paid" to be there will remove any ideas that he may have about receiving "extra" services. And I just really don't feel comfortable taking money from him for something like this.

I also think it could be good for my career to get a chance to meet some of the people he'll be mingling with. I'm nowhere near their levels, but it couldn't hurt to network a little.

My biggest concern over the whole situation is that people might make assumptions about me based on the fact that I associate with him at all. He really is such a tool. But he's also very good at what he does. And that's all that most people seem to care about.

Whore

I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I recently lost my job (the one that I worked to support myself). The company I worked for has now closed down. I haven't really found anything else yet. I could work part time teaching yoga, which I guess I'll probably do soon. But my elbow still hurts so much when I do certain positions. I can still teach, it just isn't very enjoyable. And honestly, the pay sucks. I never really taught for the money anyway.

I got a call from a former colleague yesterday. He's a slimeball. But he asked me if I would attend a business function with him this weekend. It's fairly important that he makes a good impression on the people he's meeting with, so I understand his dilemma. He's not the most likable guy. Honestly, the only redeeming quality about him is that he recognizes that he's a pig.

Anyway, he asked me to be his date and offered to pay me. Normally, I would have hung up on someone who propositioned me in such a way. But he offered to pay me a surprising amount of money. And the cash would really come in handy right now. So I said I would think about it. I need to let him know very soon though, because the event is this Friday.

Sexting Fun

The last poll I posted asked if you send naughty pictures to your partner's cell phone. The responses were...

Yes. Quite often. 5 (20%)
From time to time. 15 (62%)
No way. I'd never. 4 (16%)

I send pictures to C fairly often. I never thought I'd do something like that. It is fairly risky... if those pictures got into the wrong hands they could potentially cause some problems for me. Unlike the pictures I post on here, some of the pictures I send to him include my face. However, I trust him not to ever reveal my pictures to anyone else. If someone else were to ever see them, it would probably be my fault... I misplace my phone from time to time. I try to be more careful now that there's a whole bunch of naughty stuff on there. ;)

Comparisons

There's something that I've been thinking a lot about recently. And I'm not sure what to make of it. It seems like in every relationship I've ever been in, I end up feeling jealous or insecure or something along those lines. And it's always because I compare myself with the person's other or previous partners.

Not just physically, though. The main thing that gets to me is knowing that I'm treated differently than they would or would have treated the other person. And although I may not have a ton of relationship experiences, I can say for certain that this has happened in every single one I've been in.

I don't really think that my partners were the ones making mistakes or doing something wrong. I'm pretty sure it's me and how I look at these things. Most of the things I'm referring to are petty and silly and not worth even thinking about. And yet I find myself obsessing over these little things. It's so frustrating and I really wish I could find a way to stop.

I also wish I was sleepy. :)